


Define Pain

by Darveyship



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 04:58:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8314756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darveyship/pseuds/Darveyship
Summary: When the Heart is uncertain , pain is the answer.Harvey makes a catastrophic decision. Will he regret it? Will someone die?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Arms - Christina Perri. Darvey.

Define pain

Chapter 1

When the heart is uncertain, pain is the answer.

Harvey is in a good place now, Mike is out of prison, and Donna is back on his desk. Besides Jessica quitting the firm, things couldn't be more pitchy. Being managing partner has its props, he can pretty much do whatever he wants now, hire Mike for example . Albeit on a consultant level, no different from the good old days. He looks out through his glass office, red hair, blue dress; Donna is busy typing on her computer. It seems like the, 'I love you' disaster never happened, back to normal. He hasn't been to see Dr Argard since Donna came back, his prediction was right,

'Your panic attacks will not stop until you face up to the fact that Donna may never come back'.

'And they will, when she does'.

He remembers his conversation with Dr Argard and takes a breath of contentment and relief, he was right. Being managing partner now, with Louise as his right hand, he's got to have his shit together. And it couldn't be more together than this. Louise walks into his office as if thinking about him for just that second has produced him. He groans, doesn't look up from his computer where he pretends to be busy.

"Hey Harvey, so everything back to normal now for you ha?' he says, walking around in his office like he owns the place.

"I'm busy Louise, as much as I love our small talks.' he oozes sarcasm.

'Oh, Harvey, I just wanted to find out what you're going to do now, that's all, looking out for my managing partner.'

'What am I going to do about what Louise?' He rolls his eyes, still doesn't look up, busy typing on his laptop.

'About Donna of course, are you going to find another secretary?'

Oh, if he thinks he's going to take Donna from him again, he's got another think coming, poor bastard. 'What makes you say that Louise? Donna is not coming back to you.'

'Well you don't think she's going to stay with you for good right? She was with you so you wouldn't shit your pants during the Mike thing'. Seeing Harvey look up with a start, Louise feigns shock and continues, 'Oh, you didn't know! Well let me give it to you, Donna is leaving you as soon as this mess is cleaned up and it looks pretty cleaned up to me. So what's your game plan buddy, I wouldn't want you to lose your shit again when she leaves, seeing as you're managing partner now.'

Harvey feels bile rushing up his throat, he wants to punch Louise right now but first he looks out to Donna's desk. She isn't there. He freezes, looks at Louise and,

'How do you know that?'

"Well she told me of course, why, didn't she tell you?'. Louise is practically gloating now.

Harvey stands up slowly, hands balled into fists, "Louise..."his says it as a warning and Louise backs down.

"Just saying Harvey", and he walks out.

Harvey is left standing there, the world is spinning, and his chest is crushing. He looks again at Donna's desk, and she's still not back.

 

...........

 

'Be glad you have me as your maid of honor, who else can pull that rabbit out of a hat and have that venue for you in two weeks? Only the Donna!" she gloats, rising an eye brow at Rachel with a smile on her face. Rachel is beaming, she gets up and gives Donna a hug.

"Let it be known that I have the best maid of honor in the city. Donna, thank you so much for doing this for us.' Donna smiles but there is sadness in her eyes that does not escape Rachel's notice. "Have you told him yet Donna?'Rachel asks.

"Rach, I will, let's just concentrate on your wedding plans. I will tell him after the wedding, ok?'Donna replies dismissively.

Rachel nods resigned, 'I wouldn't want him to miss my wedding on your account. Are you sure this is the right thing to do though? Won't you change your mind?'Rachel prods.

Donna shakes her head, 'This is the only way Rach, I am sorry to bust your romantic bubble but sometimes, some things are not meant to be?'

Rachel shakes her head, 'if ever there were two people meant for each other, it's you and Harvey. I just wish there was something I could do'.

Danbury Penitentiary

'So where are we with my appeal Evan?' Charles Forssmann leans back on his chair and stares at his lawyer. Evan Smith was dreading this moment, this question, which is the only reason she has visited her client anyways.

She braces herself to deliver the news, 'I don't think there is going to be an appeal anytime soon Mr Forssmann. The appeal was blocked'.

"May I ask by whom?' he asks, feigning calmness but he is livid.

"Harvey Specter. His case is airtight, but I swear I am working on it, no need to worry'.

'Well you better, I am paying you a lot of money to do your job, do it!'

"I am. I assure you'.

"Well, I can't say as I blame you, you are up against the best. He can be a snicky little bastard that kid. I take it this is your first time dealing with him?'Forssmann asks.

"Actually no, I dealt with him on some other case. He proved he will do just about anything for his secretary, even let us get away with murder."Evan delivers.

Forssmann is surprised and pleased, oh so Harvey has a thing for his secretary ha? Who knew? Certainly not him. He likes pushing new button, new power plays and he thanks Evan here for showing this new button into Harvey Specter's weakness. He doesn't say it out loud though. Instead he stands up, shakes Evan's hand and only says, 'See you soon Evan'.

...

He's been sitting on her couch for almost 5 minutes now, unable to say anything.

She starts,'Why are you hear Harvey, I haven't seen you for a while since Donna came back to work for you. What's the problem now?' Dr Argart asks him pointedly.

He scoffs, 'Who says there has to be a problem Doc, can't I just come in and see you? Like you said, it's been a while'. He tries to drag this out for as long as he can.

Dr Argart is not taking his bullshit. 'What happened Harvey?' she asks simply.

He sighs, here we go, "Donna..." He can't elaborate more than that.

'Ok, what about Donna?' she prompts.

'She is ..., I heard from Louise that she is planning on leaving again'. He sighs.

'Ok, I thought that you had patched things up. What exactly did you say to her to make her come back to you in the first place?'

"Nothing, I just found her in my condo one night, during Mike's trial, and she said she was coming back, that's it'.

'Ok, so clearly, she came back to help you during Mike's trial. Did she promise to stay for good?'

He sighs again; he doesn't understand how she quickly assumes that Donna came back to him temporarily. He didn't get the memo. He doesn't answer her as he is fast becoming angry.

"What happened Harvey? Why do you think she will leave again?' she persists.

'Because if she is planning on leaving, then she is only waiting for Mike and Rachel's wedding, which is in two weeks!' He hears the desperation in his voice and collects himself, 'By the way, Mike is out of jail. Oh, and Jessica left the firm, I am managing partner now.' He says offhandedly, as if he is delivering everyday news.

Dr Argart is shocked to hear this, especially the Jessica news 'Well Harvey, it seems like your life has had many twists and turns since I last saw you'.

'Yeah well, its old news. What do I do about Donna?' He feels he has wasted too much time making small talk.

'What do you want to do about her?' she tosses the question back

This isn't helping, he feels cornered and he stands to leave but Dr Agart proceeds.

"You can't ask me to tell you what to do Harvey; this is all up to you. Have you acknowledged how you feel about her?'

'Exactly what have I been doing all this time in all those therapy sessions? I love her! And I told her so, that's why she decided to leave me!' he bursts out.

This is news to Dr Argart .He told her? 'Ok, so you tell her that you love her and she leaves you? What are you not telling me Harvey?'

He realizes he slipped, he hadn't meant to give her that piece of news. 'She asked me how, and I couldn't answer'.

'Couldn't or wouldn't? Tell me, how do you love her Harvey?'

'It doesn't matter. You know what; I've had enough of all of this. I am not a pussy and I am not going to wallow in self pity because some woman wants to leave me. I have had it!' He shouts and Argart is taken aback by his outburst.

'Ok Harvey, she clearly is the woman you love and running away from those feeling will keep breaking you'. She announces, tired of dancing around this.

'Watch me.' He stands again to leave.

"What happened to you?' she asks in pure befuddlement, 'God save us all from stubborn men.'

'You know what happened to me, and I promised myself that I will never be week, ever'.

'So are you going to make your mommy issues control you now? I thought we were making progress. Will you never marry, have a family?' It feels like he has taken a giant step back from the last time she saw him, this isn't good.

"Oh I will, I just don't have to risk everything to do it'.

'What are you saying here Harvey?'

'I am saying I am going to do everything I can to get me back. I love Donna, but I can't have her'.

'Why not?'

He scoffs, 'This is ridiculous, have you seen me lately? I am pathetic! Having panic attacks because Donna left me, I am not week! In fact, this whole therapy series ends right now. I am taking control of my life, starting today. I promised Scotty I'd give her a call sometime, I think the time is now'.

Dr Argart is stunned by this turn of events, 'So you're just going to abandon your feeling for Donna because you're too chicken to risk anything? We both know that Scotty is not the one you wish to spend the rest of your life with'. She challenges.

He swallows, 'Ok, here's the thing. Scotty is my friend, and I know enough to know that I can make it work with her. And if she ever decides to leave me, I will be annoyed for sure, maybe a little hurt at best but it certainly won't kill me!'

Oh, she sees it now, 'So you admit you're a coward. Taking the path of least resistance.'

'Damn straight I am'. He walks out, furious with himself, with Donna. Just how does she manage to turn him into a complete wuss? He will never let anyone have that kind of power over him again. She left him! She can do that! The one thing he could never do, she did so easily. She left him, and now she's threatening to do it again. He can't take the risk again. It's too easy for her to let him go. He better build those walls back up again. The walls she so easily demolished. Well, this time they will be stronger. She eviscerated him when she left, but he's still breathing and he plans to continue that way. He's Harvey goddamn Specter! Survive he will.

...

Donna is in the file room, she is doing nothing business wise, just taking some time to collect her thoughts after what she just heard. Specter Litt is bringing in another name partner in a major. This will really help out a drowning law firm like Specter Litt. This is good, and it's a good thing. She tries to convince herself. She sighs, she feels like crying, but she won't. At the moment she is just numb, she can't believe it. She was leaving anyway, Mike and Rachel's wedding twelve days to go, and then she'll be gone. Now she just has to come up with the courage to tell him. It shouldn't be hard; when she leaves it will be Specter Litt Scott on the wall.


	2. Define Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " I hope that you see right through my wall. I hope that you catch me cause i'm already falling. I'll never let our love get so close. You put your arms around me and i'm home. - Christina Perri- Arms.

Chapter 2

"This is quite a huge step Harvey. It is positive for the firm but, is it for you?' Jessica sits cross-legged on his couch holding a folder, the folder.

'Well I am seeing this as a step forward Jessica, besides it's already done. Scotty will be here sometime this week, it's done. Thought you'd be pleased.'

"I am talking about Donna, is she ok with this?'

He looks down at his glass of scotch, 'Does she have to be?'

Jessica sighs, 'Harvey do you know what you're doing?"

He cuts her off, 'Donna is leaving, she hasn't told me yet but I've heard'.

Jessica looks at him with something akin to pity in her eyes, 'And that's your way of sticking it to her".Its more of a statement.

He looks up, 'I'll never intentionally hurt Donna you know that, this is my way of getting my shit together, and maybe I can move on with Scotty after all'.

'Be sure you're not lying to yourself Harvey". She says resignedly.

He stood up, 'What do you want from me, she is leaving me Jessica!'

"Well did you ask her to stay? Did you tell her how you feel about her?' He looks surprised and she scoffs, 'Come on, everyone in that building knows'.

He looks defeated; he sits back down and drops his head in his hands. 'Jessica, Donna left me, and everything went to shit! I won't do that again, I won't let anyone have that kind of power over me again. So I refuse to take the plunge, if that makes me a coward then so be it'.

She puts the folder on the table and uncrossed her legs, 'You're not going to be happy with Scotty'.

'I don't have to be happy, I just have to be content and in control of myself again. Jessica, I could marry Donna and be happy but she proved she could leave me. I know she will never cheat on me like my mother did to my dad but... she is capable of leaving me. And I don't know if I could survive that. Sometimes you have to sever an arm to save the whole body, that's just what I am doing'.

Danbury Penitentiary

"I need a dirty job done, and I hear you're the man for that'. Forssman takes a sit on the bench next to Gallo who doesn't look up from the paper he is reading to acknowledge his presence.

'What's in it for me?' Gallo asks.

'Sticking it to your enemy is what's in it for you. Plus you'll get to hang out with the king, I tell you kid, you'll need my protection in hear. Word is you're a snitch'.

Gallo doesn't bat an eye, 'Well if the king came to me I'd say the power play is tipped on my side, I hold all the cards here'.

'Harvey Specter'. Foreman doesn't need to elaborate.

Gallo folds his paper and gives him his full attention, 'What do you have in mind?'

'That little bastard put me in this hellhole and now he's blocking my bail hearing. I want to hit him where it hurts'. Forssman says.

'My hands are tied, if anything happens to Mike Ross my deal to stay in this 5 star hotel is gone'. Gallo says and picks up his paper again.

Foreman scoffs, 'Who said anything about Mike Ross? Let me elaborate, I want the man begging to die.'

'What do you know'. Gallo's interest is rekindled.

Forssman scoffs, 'I hear the man is in love'. Foreman gives Gallo an evil smile which Gallo answers with his own smile.

'Give me a name'. Gallo asks.

'Donna Paulsen!' Says Forssman

'His secretary?' Gallo asks, a little bewildered.

Forssman nods, 'The very same'. He walks away.

...

Harvey has been standing outside Donna's apartment for about 30 mins now. He can't bring himself to knock on her door. This feels like one of those rare days he has to take a case to court, only worse. He has to tell her. Scotty will be here tomorrow. Of all the stupid things he has done though, but it's necessary, it's essential to his survival. The past week has been full of unbreakable tension between him and Donna. With her impending abandonment of him and the Scotty deal hanging over their heads; they've barely talked. He knows she knows, even though he has not briefed her about Scotty yet; chicken shit that he is. And He knows she know he knows about her plan to leave, even though she hasn't briefed him about that either. He knocks once. Nothing. He's about to knock again when his hand hangs mid air and he is staring at her. His breath catches and he swallows, 'Donna'.

'Harvey, what are you doing here?' She looks beautiful, no makeup, getting ready for bed probably. 'Can I come in?'He asks.

She steps back, opening the door. He walks straight to her kitchen and helps himself to a glass of scotch and downs it in one go. Nothing screams, looking for courage , than that. He looks over to her, she is already seated on her couch, legs under, arms crossed over. Defensive much?. She doesn't chastise him for helping himself to her scotch, no smart remark ? Unsettling.

He clears his throat and takes a sit next to her on the couch, 'Hey'. She just looks at him, her features schooled. 'I need to tell you something'. His voice is so low and vulnerable he clears his throat again. She knows what he is about to say but this time she won't stop him or finish his sentence with some joke so she doesn't get to hear what she's afraid he'll say. This time she will take it, she'll listen to what she is so afraid to hear.

'I have made a Merger with... Scotty..., her uhm... firm. She'll be coming in tomorrow to start as new name partner'. There, he said it, and now he is just holding his breath.

She brings her legs further against her chest and says, 'I know'. 'it's good for the firm'.

He can't read what she's thinking, there's no emotion in her voice right now.

'There's something I want to tell you too'. She says, 'I am leaving Harvey, after Mike and Rachel's wedding. I am leaving town, for good'.

His chest constricts, he can't breathe. He knew this was coming but it still hurt to hear the finality in her voice. His world is coming to an end and right now he's not sure if that survival bullshit tactic of his could really work. He doesn't feel like he could go on without her. He is so ready to take the plunge right now, but he holds himself back. He hears himself say, 'I know,' to Donna's announcement. I love you Donna, please don't leave me I've been stupid. That's what he wants to say to her but he can't, he won't. Instead he says, 'I should go.' and stands up to leave.

She hears the door close and she can't hold back her tears as they run unchecked down her cheeks. He said he was afraid of ever hurting her. Just how does he not know that he's killing her right now. Harvey walks to his car, tells Ray to drive him straight home as he feels a panic attack coming up. He gets out of his car as fast as he can, hardly says goodnight to Ray as he rushes to his condo. He throws up in the toilet and hangs there for what seems like hours as he waits for it to pass. At this point he doesn't know if he'll ever be normal again.

...

'I need a job done.'

'What are the details.' the voice on the other end of the line says?

'Donna Paulsen'. There's a pause on the other end, then,

'Should I make it look like an accident?'

'I want Harvey Specter to know who did this to him'. Gallo hangs up the phone.

...

Specter Litt Scott, it's been three days now and it still feels like a nightmare . It feels like a marriage, His marriage to Scotty. They couldn't be more suited to each other. Specter Scott, it's fitting. Donna walks on to her desk. Just another day at work, thank God there's only three days left to the wedding, and then she's gone. She still has to stomach watching him playing footsy with his new partner now, argue about cases . She has to do her job as usual, no small task that. These days she practically spends her time in the file room, away from the 'newly married couple'. Louis might as well be some associate the way these two are carrying on.

'Donna', she looks up at him, 'Yes Harvey what can I do for you?' Scotty is in tow, she doesn't go anywhere without him it seems. She hopes he's happy. As long as he's happy she'll be fine.

'Uhm... could you get me the Winstom file and get me Mike on the line please'. He says it kindly as he walks into his office with Scotty.

'Did you hear what i said? Harvey?' He is startled, he looks up to see Scotty staring at him with a puzzled look on her face. 'Earth to Harvey, where did you go'.

'Sorry.. you where saying?' He has to get over this habit of getting lost in the past whenever he sees Donna, people might start to notice. Truth is, he's been counting the days, and they are moving way too fast for him. Three days to the wedding, three days and she'll be gone. Mike walks in at that moment, 'Hey Harvey, sorry i haven't been in lately', he looks pointedly at Scotty as he says emphatically, 'to busy with the wedding stuff'. 'Scotty' he says in greeting and she nods right back, 'Mike'. There is no love lost between these two. Scotty hates Mike because of his fraud thing, and Mike knows that.

'When you're done playing bridegroom of the year, could you look at the Winsom file and pretend to do some actual consultancy work.' Harvey says looking at him with a smirk.

When Scotty leaves the office a few moments later, Mike takes a sit in the opposite chair and says 'You seem to be coping alright'.

Harvey looks at him, 'What are you getting at Mike?'.

"Donna is leaving, just wanted to check in to see if you're ..', he leans in and wispers, '..still having those panic attacks?' 'Sorry, too soon?' He says this at the risk of getting punched in the face but he has to get a rise out of Harvey somehow, because lately he's been walking around like a robot. Mike is seriously worried about him. Oh, Harvey puts up a good show but he can't fool every one, certainly not the people who know him well. No arrogance, rarely any sarcasm, and Harvey hardly ever smiles these days. Its like he's given up. Harvey doesn't say anything and Mike gets up to leave. 'Hey, do you wanna grab some drinks after work, talk about some best man related issues?'

"Sure Mike.' He replies and turns his chair to look outside .

Its 5 o'clock , time to pack and leave the office . She's always been the last to leave the office but these days she can't wait for 5 o'clock. She walks to the elevators and ,guess who's waiting there for her. She thinks of taking the stairs but she stills herself . She doesn't want it to be too obvious that she is trying to avoid him. 'Donna'. He says.

'Harvey', she replies . ' Is there anything you want me to do for you before i leave?'

He looks at her but she is not quite meeting his eyes, 'No thanks. I just... can i walk with you outside?'

She looks him in the eye this time, surprised. 'Sure'.

They take the elevator together in an award silence.

'So, maid of honor ha, i am best man. Mike wants to talk about best man stuff', he rolls his eyes.

Donna laughs, 'What did he threaten you with to get you to agree to be his best man? Don't lose the rings, i bet that's what he wants to emphasize to you'. They both laugh, he takes a long breath, relief. They walk out of the building together.

'Hey can i take you to dinner tomorrow night? Just to say goodbye, for old time's sake?' She looks at him, her heart is breaking at the thought of him saying goodbye but she nods and gives him a tight smile.

' Ok, 7 alright'. He asks.

'Sure, its fine'. She replies

'Ok , see you tomorrow Donna'.

'See you tomorrow Harvey'.

He walks back to the building but freezes as he hears the screeching of tyres and then a loud bang! He turns sharply, and forgets to breath as he sees Donna flying in the air only to land on the ground with a final thud. The car has already sped off and turned the corner. For a moment he can't move, he can't believe what just happened. He could be dreaming but none of his worst nightmares were anything like this. Somehow, his feet carries him to Donna, he kneels besides her. She looks dead. There is blood coming out of her mouth and she is as pale as a ghost.'

'Donna?... Donna please'. Nothing. She doesn't move. A crowd has already gathered around them but he can't comprehend what they are saying. Mike's voice comes from so far away as he says, 'Harvey what happened!'.

He can't talk , he can't answer. He clutches his chest, there's a pain there he's never felt before; like his heart is being tugged out of his chest. He struggles to breath . Then all goes dark around him.


	3. Define Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You put your arms around me  
> And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go  
> You put your arms around me and I'm home' - Arms C.P

Chapter 3

Mike is freaking out, it feels as if he is losing both his parents at the same time, again. Rachel can't stop crying and he can't help her. He puts his arms around her and they draw comfort from each other. "What the hell happened Mike?" He is startled into attention at that voice. He had called Jessica as soon as he was able. He knew she would want to know even if he would be disturbing her from a long awaited vacation.

"Someone made a hit and run on Donna,.. and Harvey... he had a heart attack'.He manages to say.

She looks at the tears running unchecked on his face, "Oh my God." Is all she can say. She looks around, Louise is at a corner crying, Scotty is in a shocked state , sitting dejected on the bench and Gretchen is standing beside Louise; bless the woman, she is praying. "How are they?" she directs her question to Mike.

" Uhm... Donna is in ICU, she had a uhm ... a head injury and some broken ribs and... ahh they've just operated on her. They say she's out of surgery but they're not sure she'll make it." He sighs then continues. "And Harvey... ahm he is also in ICU, he had a cardiac arrest but he ... uhm .. he ... they managed to bring him back. He's in a state of comma though, he's not waking up. They say we have to give him time."

"Oh my God." Jessica can't believe what's happening. "Oh my God." She says again, clutching her heart as it dawns on her.

...

'Since I've been here I've been looking but i haven't found Donna yet. Have you seen her?'He asks , looking around , searching, but he can't find her.

' And why are you looking for her here?'

'Well where else could she be?' He asks, confused.

'Certainly not here, i think its time you went back Harvey. You have people counting on you'.

He looks down at his hands, 'I can never go back. Please don't make me, please dad, i cant go without her'.

'You have to go back Harvey, it's not your time yet. You have to go son'.

...

Mike is looking through the surveillance camera footage from that horrible day, 5 days ago. He and Rach had had to postpone their wedding. He doesn't understand. This car came from nowhere, aimed at Donna and then sped off. He can't look at the way Donna flies in the air as she is hit by the car. He can't get the image out of his head.

"Mike" Rachel walks into his office, "Found anything yet?"

"Not yet." he sighs, "I swear, this looks like a professional job Rach, someone was aiming at Donna. I wonder why. Why would anyone want to kill Donna?"

"I don't think its Donna they were after Mike. Think about it, if someone wanted to really hurt Harvey who would they target the most? Harvey has enemies." Rachel states.

"I've thought about that Rach, but no one outside of this office knows about Harvey's feelings for Donna and no one here would do such a thing."He takes the extra CCTV footage that Rachel hands him. They are looking through the surveillance footage in silence, "There"Mike points out at a car, parked hidden just around the corner, they can't see anyone inside. "See that?" "That car was parked there waiting for Donna to come out, and someone wanted us to see that. This was a hit Rach. "Oh My God."

"Gallo..." Rachel starts but is cut off by Mike.

"Gallo doesn't know anything about Donna; he still thinks the only way to stick it to Harvey is to get to me."

"How about Forssmann?"She asks.

"Forssmann doesn't know anything about Donna, if he knew, believe me he would have played that card a long time ago". Mike freezes, "Oh my God."

"What is it," Rachel asks.

'You will really let us get away with murder? For your secretary?' 'Damn straight, and I will do it a hundred times'. Mike remembers that confrontation as if it were yesterday. "Evan Smith." He exclaims.

"What about her Mike? You think she could have done this?" she asks incredulously.

Mike reiterates the conversation to Rachel. "I am telling you Rach, she is the only person who saw firsthand Harvey's love for Donna. She may not have had any motive to do this but she sure told someone who did."

Evan sits in the stuffy eerie room waiting for her client. She is furious. He walks in with a smirk on his face and sits down opposite her. "I wasn't expecting to see you here so soon. To what do I owe the pleasure?"Forssman says.

"Would you care to explain to me how, just after I tell you about Harvey Specter's feelings for his secretary, she is hit by an unidentified vehicle and left for dead?" Evan fumes.

"Oh, is that what happened? Are you saying she is not dead?" Fossman feigns dismay. "That's a pity, but are you saying I had something to do with it?"

"I know you did". She sighs, frustrated. "Dad!" She whispers, she rarely ever calls shim that. Their relationship is complicated at best. "If they connect this to you, you'll be up for attempted murder."

"Well they better not connect the dots then. For the record I didn't do this." He tries to assure her. "Now Evan, it was nice seeing you, but I have to go and take care of some business." He stands up and leaves, directing his steps straight to Gallo's cell.

"You did a crappy job, she didn't die." He says to Gallo.

Gallo looks up from his newspaper. "That's unfortunate, but what can I say, my murdering days are over. I set out to send a message and it was well received. Harvey Specter is in hospital right now, next to the love of his life." He gloats. "He's said to be in a comma." He smiles a sinister smile and goes back to reading his paper.

...

He's been awake for what seems like hours now, when Mike and Rachel came in to see him earlier, he pretended to be sleeping. He doesn't want anyone to tell him what they think he should know. The only person who could pull him through this is the same person who is...; he lets the thought trail off. He can't think about that right now. He can still see her, the way she was when he last saw her. Her smile, her eyes betraying the pain he had caused her; the promise of a dinner they never had. His mind blocks out the image of her lying on the tiles in the street, deathly pale. He hears footsteps coming his way, the troop must be back, it must be visit hour. Jessica walks in looking every inch the managing partner that she was, for a moment there he forgets that she resigned. In tow is Mike, holding on to Rachael .For strength? The kid can be a pile of emotions sometimes. Surprise surprise, Louise is dry eyed, not for long if he knows him well. Scotty is here too, ahhgg, he really doesn't want to talk. But they've been told that he's regained consciousness a while ago. Well he can't feign sleep again, but he doesn't have to talk, not until he's good and ready. Which can be never. He couldn't even if he tried anyway. His throat feels constricted, he's afraid he might start to cry if he did. The pitiful looks they are giving him are not helping any. "Harvey?" Jessica says. "How are you feeling?" He just stares at her, how does she think he's feeling?"

"Hey Harvey," that's Louis now, "Hey I am sorry man, just wanted you to know that I am holding down the fort at the firm. So you don't need to worry, we've got it covered."

He doesn't even look at Louis, 'well if everything is in control why is the whole firm at the hospital instead of actually at the firm, did you close down or something?'He is thinking. 'So much for holding down the fort Louise'. He doesn't say it though. Mike is saying something, then Rachel looks like she's saying something, everyone seems to be talking to him but he can't comprehend anything anymore. Somehow he has developed the ability to shut down the activities going on around him. He is protecting himself from hearing those words. He will never be ready to hear them. He turns on his side facing the wall, wishing he could distract himself with something. This hospital room has no color whatsoever. So much for having the best money can buy, money can't buy shit. He stares at the wall instead and wills himself not to think. After a while he realizes his visitors have left the room, peace at last.

...

"He's not looking good, we should call his therapist. Maybe she can help him through this."Jessica says directing her question to the group.

"I don't think that can help, Harvey is shutting himself from the world." Mike replies. "The last thing he remembers before he passed out is Donna lying on the street with blood coming out of her mouth. I think he thinks she's dead". Everyone looks at him with comprehension.

"Nobody told him she is still alive?" Louise asks, a little shocked.

"Well, he's not talking to anyone, he probably didn't ask Louis". Jessica says impatiently.

"We should take him to see Donna." Mike suggests.

"Mike, I don't think that's such a good idea. Rachel points out. "Donna is on a ventilator with tubes and monitors attached all over. It's not a good sight, that might not help him."

"Well, if we tell him she's alive, he might not believe us. He will want to see for himself. It's better than letting him think that she's dead. I can't see him like this." Mike says, looking at Rachel.

"Ok, we need to get back in there and show him the truth; he needs to snap out of it." Jessica says, then in a whisper almost to herself. "He has to".

The door opens and, 'Oh crap, they're back. He had thought they'd called it a day'. He thinks as he turns back to the wall. "Harvey, Donna is ..., uhm..." Mike starts. 'Oh please don't.' He thinks as he tries to shut him out.

"Donna is alive Harvey. Do you know that?" Mike continues tentatively.

Harvey can't believe his ears. Dare he hope? He turns and looks at Mike, but he doesn't say anything. Mike is good with that response, however small. He presses on. "We can take you to her right now." Harvey takes the bait. He stands up and looks at Mike, challenging. He rejects the wheel chair that Rachel pushes to him as he walks himself out of the door, waiting for Mike to lead the way. He better not be lying to him or he won't be responsible for what he'll do. Moment of truth, he sighs as they all begin to walk. He is tempted to turn back around and go back to his room, to his oblivion. He can't quite breathe that well right now. He's not quite sure he is breathing. What if they are lying to him? Trying some psychology 'face up to reality' bullshit. He sees Mike enter a room, he hesitates. Jessica takes his hand and he holds on to her for dear life. He finds himself face to face with... is that Donna? His Donna? For a moment he thinks they are showing him a corpse, that psychology 'face up to your fear' bullshit. They lied to him!

Then he hears the beeping of machines, sees the tubes connected to Donna. The monitors are showing a steady heart beat. Those tubes and monitors are the best sight he has seen in a long time. She's still alive? He can't breathe. He feels Jessica squeeze his hand and whisper, "She's still alive Harvey. She's still here."

At that, his knees give out from under him. He clutches at Jessica's waist, on his knees crying like a baby as his heart breaks into a thousand pieces. Jessica puts her arms around him and holds him close.

"She's not the arm Jessica." Harvey says in a whisper muffled with sobs. "She's my heart". He says brokenly. "She's my heart."

At that, Jessica tries to swallow through the constriction in her throat and fails. She ignores the tears that escape unchecked through her eyes as she holds him close. Her heart breaks for him. There is not a dry eye in the room as all witness the unmaking of the great Harvey Reginald Specter. Scotty stands there stunned, defeated, accepting. Well she had got the full picture through this whole tragedy, but it still hurt to hear and see with her own eyes. She had thought Harvey had no heart when it had seemed he couldn't communicate his feelings toward her. He did have a heart, she realized. It just didn't belong to her. It never did. She turns her head from the sight of the man she loves so broken.

 

So, thanks for reading this and for the reviews. There's a light at the end of this tunnel. Watch out for Chapter 4 . Darvey all the way!


	4. Define Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth  
> And I've never opened up  
> I've never truly loved 'till you put your arms around me  
> And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go"

Chapter 4

Mike walks out of Liberty Rail file room with a look of utter shock on his face. 'Whaaat?' He thinks. He rushes to the car where Rachel is waiting for him. "Did you find anything?" Rachel asks impatiently.

"Did I ever!" He still looks shell shocked.

"What is it Mike." She asks.

"I'll tell you on the way, let's get out of here.'' They drive off.

Rachel cannot believe what Mike is telling her. "Ok, so what are we going to do with that Mike? We can't use this as evidence, it doesn't directly point to any wrong doing. Having Charles Forssman as a long time client doesn't necessarily make one a criminal. Does she even know what kind of man she has as a client?"

"I don't think she does, but we can use it another way. I checked the records at the prison yesterday and they show that she visited to Charles Forssmann just days before the Hit.' Mike says." We can use this Rach. We have to take this to Louise." They hurry out of the car to the firm building.

Louise looks at the folder Mike hands to him after hearing his explanation. He nods his head and stands from his chair. "Damn straight we are doing this Mike. On one condition though."

Mike looks at him askance. "What Louise?"

"I am coming with you. I want to take these bastards down as much as you do. Harvey is my brother and Donna is..." He takes a moment to contain himself.

...

She is with Harvey, he is smiling at her. They are holding hands, walking in the most beautiful garden she has ever seen. The scene is straight out of heaven. Its peaceful and green, it's just beautiful. Then suddenly, the ground beneath her begins to shake, like an earth quake. She holds on to Harvey but the ground is breaking between them, separating them. She is terrified, holding on but Harvey's hand is slipping from her grasp. He yells her name, Donna! She tries to grab his shirt but it rips and their hands separate.

...

"To what do I owe this unexpected visit gentleman?'' Evan Smith walks into her conference room and sits opposite Louise and Mike. Louise slaps the folder he is holding on the table . "According to this you've been covering up your dirty client's dirty dealings, which convinces me you've been in on it all along."

Evan Smith takes the folder and opens it. She doesn't bat an eye. "looks to me like you've been busy unlawfully acquiring evidence, again.'' She retorts. "Can't say that I am surprised, that's right within your wheel house.''

"I don't give a shit about what bullshit charge you might want to bring against us for those documents. What you should be worried about is what charges we're bringing against you". At Evan's incredulous expression, Louise continues. "Yeah, that's right. See, what these documents suggest is that you were covering up for your client's dirty deals. What we're more interested in, however, is how they point out to how you conspired to commit murder."

Evan is dumbstruck; she lets out a nervous laugh. "Gentleman, I think we're done here, because I don't this you are in your right minds. Good day gentleman." She stands to leave but Mike's statement stops her in her tracks. "We have records and video footage at Danbury Penitentiary with you visiting your client just days before Donna was hit. Now, you have to admit that looks suspicious, what with the two suspects in custody singing your client's name like scared little birds. Your client."

"They will never confess to knowing me, because I know nothing about this. Representing a client doesn't make me a conspirator to his crimes." She defends.

"Ah, but given the evidence of your conspiring before, well I don't know. We'll have to gamble on what a jury will think about that now won't we." Mike says, standing up.

"What do you want?' Evan asks with resignation.

"Get your client to confess to ordering a hit on my friend". Louise says with fury, standing up. "I don't care if you have to wear a wire or threaten him to confess. Do whatever you can to get him to confess to attempted murder and get your ass off the line. Or you'll soon find yourself wearing orange jumpsuits because we'll get him with or without your help. We just need to get this wrapped up a little faster." Louise and Mike leave the office, Evan looking dumbfounded.

"The bitch took the bait." Louise says.

"The bitch got Litt Up!" Mike cracks.

...

It's been four days since he's seen Donna. He can't visit her in her room because he can't see her like that again, he can't take it. She is alive! She is off life support. Now she just has to wake up. He bows his head as he attempts to pray. He's had some practice these last four days. The benches in the little hospital chapel are hard and cold, but he is getting used to them. Today though, he feels more hopeless than before. The doctors had told him that if Donna spends anymore time in a comma, she might never wake up. They might have to start considering other neurological damages that may have been caused and do some more surgeries. Or else she will just slip away in that state. If that happens, they'll have to let her go. He can't fathom the idea of Donna gone. He just can't. He bows his head in defeat, tears streaming down his face as he imagines a world with no Donna in it. "Please...!" is all he manages to pray. His heart hurts, he can't say much else.

She breaks out in a cold sweat as she opens her heavy eyes. She looks around and ... Ooh pain. She is in so much pain, she can't quite turn her head or pretty much move without pain for that matter. She sees Rachel sitting in a chair next to her bed. She can't comprehend her surroundings. The last thing she remembers is... "Harvey." Her voice comes out in a crock. What happened to me? Oh my God, that wasn't a nightmare, was it? What is she doing in a hospital? she wonders as she recognizes her surroundings. "Harvey", she says again and Rachel who had sprung to attention at her fist stir is holding her hand now, trying to reassure her. "It's ok Donna, Harvey's is here. I'll go get him for you ok?" She says with tears in her eyes. "It's good to have you back." She leaves the room in a rush.

Harvey feels a hand on his shoulder; he looks up and finds Rachel standing behind him with tears in her eyes. He holds his breath, doesn't know what to think. Then she smiles. "She's awake Harvey. She's asking for you." He can't believe it so he stands slowly with a questioning look in his eyes directed at Rachel. She just nods. His feet carry him so fast to Donna's room. He stands at the door, hesitating. Then Donna turns her head to the door and looks at him. "Harvey." She breaths his name and he thinks to himself that he has never heard a more beautiful sound. He walks to her bed, never taking his eyes off her. "Hey." He says, smiling at her. "Hey." She says right back. He climbs on to her bed, careful not to cause her any pain. He lies besides her, burying his head in her neck as he cuddles her closely. And for the first time in a long long time, he breathes.


	5. Define Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "How many times will let you me change my mind and turn around  
> I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown." CP- Arms.

Chapter 5

Donna looks up with a smile as she watches Harvey stroll into her room with some movies in his hands. He sits on her bed besides her. "Got us some movies, this place can be boring. Don't worry I have your favorite chick flicks too, I didn't forget you." He says with a smirk.

"Oh and I get to choose what we watch first." She beams.

"And why, pray tell, would you think I'll let you choose first, I brought the movies." He protests.

"Well I am the one who is actually in hospital, in need of cheering up. You on the other hand were discharged days ago." She says, taking the stake of movies from his hands, flipping through. "Oh here, this one." She beams and Harvey grimaces. "Oh please please please Harvey." Donna begs seeing his grimace.

He takes the movie from her hand, giving in, and jumps off the bed to insert it in the player. "I'll try not to sleep through it." He says, jumping back on the bed.

"You didn't have to bring so many, I am getting out tomorrow." She says as she looks up at him.

He cuddles in, holding her as the movie starts. "I know. We're taking these home."

"We are taking these home?" she asks a little puzzled.

"The only way you are going to watch these, is if you come and stay with me at my place." He says jokingly.

"Oh so this is a bribe ha." She says, nodding appreciatively at him " Fancy."

"I am serious though Donna, I need you to stay with me while you are recuperating. I'll take care of you, I promise." He looks at her pleadingly, "Please say yes."

She looks down at her hands, not sure what to say. Hell she's not sure what has or hasn't changed between them. Sure, he sleeps in her hospital bed sometimes, cuddling her; he rarely ever sleeps at home anymore. They spend most of the time together, they cuddle. He kisses her, on the forehead or on the cheek. Sometimes, they look at each other longingly then he visibly swallows and looks away, or she looks away. Are they back to being friends again? Are they a thing now? What about Scotty? These questions are swimming inside her head, confusing her more. They haven't talked at all about any of this since she woke up in a hospital bed. She wants to tell him that she'd made arrangements to move before this whole fiasco but she doesn't want to be separated from him just yet. So she decides to let it slide, they will talk when they have to. She looks up at him then and smiles up at him as she sees the hopeful look in his eyes. "Ok, Yes." He lets out a breath and holds her closer, kissing her on the forehead. They turn their attention to the TV where the movie has already started playing. She lays her head on his shoulder as they watch in silence. Half way through the movie he feels her head slump, he was now a little engaged in the movie he didn't notice her fall asleep. He looks at her and smiles; he feels a tug in his heart, a feeling only she could draw out him. He lays her down on the bed, turns off the TV and settles in to watch her sleep instead.

Danbury Penitentiary

She looks pissed, again. What it is this time? He wonders as he walks to her taking a sit opposite to her. "You are favoring prisons much these days Evan." Forssmann says, raising an eyebrow at her questioningly.

"Oh believe me, this will be the last time I am visiting you, ever." She says furiously

"Don't tell me, you've found a way to get me out of prison?" He asks feigning shock.

"I won't tell you, instead I'll say the way things are looking you will never get your ass out of prison for the rest of your life." She says.

"Oh let's not be dramatic Evan, of course I'll get out'a here. I just have to find someone to buy."He says smugly.

"Why did you have to go and order a hit on Donna Paulsen?' She asks in a hushed whisper.

"I told you that I didn't do that, that wasn't me." He defends

"Well they got witnesses saying that it was you." she says back.

"Then they've got shitty witnesses. You can blow them out of the water. They can't make this stick." He retorts. "Besides, what are they gonna do? Arrest me?" He says with a smug.

"They are starting to look in the wrong places. They might find things." She says coldly.

"Then give them a diversion . In fact, I know just what you can use. The actual man who did this." He says conspiratorially.

"Give me a name." She asks

"Frank Gallo. And don't ask me how I know this." He stands up to leave. "Have a good evening Evan."

...

Harvey sits opposite Mike and Louise as he listens, bewildered, to what they are telling him. So these bastards have declared war on him ha. Well then it's on. He stands up pacing and Louise and Mike look to him to say something. He knows Forssmann is involved up to his neck with the hit on Donna. And Gallo, the sonofabitch, he will make him rue the day he ever thought to cross his path. He huffs, so the two duchebags connived to put one over on him ha. The way he sees it, he's got two choices here. He could either roll over and die because he's too chicken shit to have someone he loves eviscerated by these bullies again; Or he can stand up and bury them, because he's too chicken shit to have someone he loves eviscerated by these bullies again. Fear can be a good motivation, either way. He chooses to fight. And when he's scared, he fights dirty. He looks at Mike and Louise and says, "So the two hit and run suspects refuse to rat out Gallo?"

"They are insisting they were ordered by Forssmann only. They are not saying anything about Gallo."Mike replies

"They will when I offer them a deal." Harvey says. He turns to Louise, looks him in the eye and shakes his hand. "I am grateful Louis, thanks for this."

Louise shakes his hand, not saying anything, he's getting emotional. Then he manages, "Anytime Harvey."

Harvey then turns to Mike and shakes his hand also. "Thanks Mike, good job."

"Let's get those sonsofbitchs Harvey." Mike replies.

Harvey excuses, himself walks out of the office. He dials a number on his phone and waits for an answer on the other end. "Yeah?" the voice said.

"Find me dirt on Charles Forssmann. Rather, find me someone." He says.

"You got it." says the voice on the other end of the line , then line goes dead.

............

 

"Surprise!" Donna is startled, lights coming on and some shiny coloured little things are popped into the air. "Oh my God." She says, clutching her chest, amazed. She looks back up at Harvey who is pushing her wheel chair further inside, he winks at her. Everyone starts lining up to give her a hug, "Welcome home Donna." Louse pops up the Champaign and starts pouring into individual glasses. "Let's get this party started people.' He starts doing a funny dance, holding his glass of champagne. "Celebrating Donna, and Harvey for that matter", Pause "for joining us back into the land of the living." He says raising his glass in a toast. Everyone laughs. "Here here Louise." Jessica says raising her glass.

"Ooh thank you so much you guys." Donna says, touched. "It's good to be back."

Everyone starts mingling and Jessica, Rachel and Gretchen crowd around Donna. After a while Jessica leaves the girls in search for Harvey. "Welcome back dumb ass." She smiles at him raising her glass to him. "Thank you Jessica."He replies, raising his own glass to her.

"How is she doing?" she asks, looking back at Donna.

"She's going to need some babysitting for a while but the doctors say she is recovering well. She is practicing walking on her crutches now and soon that cast on her leg will be off." He breathes a sigh of relief.

Jessica nods. "So, the Merger with Scotty's Firm, is still on?" she asks.

"Yeah, she left and her name is no longer on the wall but the terms of Merger are still active. It's good for both our Law Firms and she was just a representative in all this. She left on good terms." He explains.

"So it's back to Specter Litt then?" Jessica asks and Harvey nods.

"For now, at least. They will be sending another name partner in order to honor the conditions of the Merger." He replies.

"You and Donna have worked your shit out then?" Jessica asks, "We don't have to worry about you having a psychotic break if all this blows over again right?"

Harvey looks away with a shy smile then says, "It won't blow over." Taking a sip from his glass of wine. He realizes what he's drinking and walks over to his kitchen and pours himself a scotch instead. Mike comes to stand beside him. "Can I have one of those?" he says and Harvey pours him a scotch.

When all the guests have cleared out and it's just the two of them left, Harvey sits on the couch next to Donna. "Was that too much for you? Are you ok?" he asks.

"That was so thoughtful of you Harvey. Thank you." she says, her heart skips a bit at the look in his eyes. "I am tired though." She continues. He stands up and lifts her up, carrying her to bed despite her protests. "You will wobble around tomorrow on your crutches. Tonight, let me be your knight in shining armor." He sets her down on the bed as his phone starts ringing. He looks at the caller ID and quickly leaves the room.

"What have you got?" he asks through the phone.

"A lot, listen up." Then the voice on the other end of the line goes on to give him the details.

Harvey is shocked and then pleased at the same time. He nods in satisfaction and says. "Thanks, good job man. Stay in touch." He hangs up his phone.

..........

 

Cahill walks into his office to find Harvey siting in a chair waiting for him. "To what do i owe the pleasure Harvey.?" Harvey regards the blond man standing in front of him. They started off as enemies but now he could almost call him friend. " I need a favor Cahill." He says.

"What's this about?" Cahill asks.

Harvey drops a folder on the desk which Cahill picks up and flips open. "Forssmann." He says with dismay. "You're convinced he was behind Donna's hit and run ?"He asks

"I am not convinced, I know."Harvey says

"Yeah, by the way , I am sorry about that. How is she?"The blond man asks with sympathy.

"She'll live." Harvey sighs. " However, i want that sonofabitch's assets frozen and i want his ass rotting in maximum prison for what he did. You have all you need in that folder." Harvey says

Cahill pauses on a page as he flips through the folder. "Evan Smith?" he says , not quite managing to mask his shock at what he was reading.

Harvey just nods and says, "Find the money." As he gets up to leave.

"On it . Hey, what about Gallo?" Cahill asks

"He'll be taken care of nicely. I've got Cameroon Dennis dealing with him. He's going down." Harvey says , pausing at the door on his way out. "I owe you."

 

Danbury Penitentiary

 

"So you told your goons to rat out my name?" Forssmann asks as he accosts Gallo in the yard.

"Just like you rated me out to the FEDS? Yeah I know about that." Gallo retorts

Forssmann snots, "Well, they can say my name all they want but false confessions out of two criminal witnesses is not going to stick. However, you my friend are in a shitty situation. See, there's actual evidence of your previous dealings with these dirtbags and word is they belong to you." Forssmann says with a smug.

"See, that's the shitty thing about getting into bed with scumbags like you Forssmann. I had you pegged out from the moment you walked in these walls. You think you can rule in this place too?" Gallo says with fury.

Forssmann raises an eyebrow at him. "I do rule in these walls." He starts to leave, "Nice knowing you loser."

"Nice knowing you too loser." Says Gallo. "You see, those dirtbags are said to be contractors and they were hired by whoever paid them. And guess who that is?"

Forssmann turns around and faces Gallo. "I sure as hell didn't." He says.

"Of course you didn't." Gallo says. "Your daughter did. Evan Smith!" Gallo says with a smug.

Forssmann freezes, "How did you...?" he starts but Gallo cuts him off.

"What? How did I find out?" He shakes his head at him pitifully. "The same way Harvey Specter found out! You see, they follow the money."

"You set me up you smug sonofabitch!" Forssmann hissed at him.

"Same way you were planning to set me up old man. Just looking out for myself. Soon your beloved anonymous daughter will be dragged in handcuffs wearing nice little orange jumpsuits courtesy of daddy dearest." Gallo declares, looking at him in the eye. "You got played old man." He says, walking away.


	6. Define Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of fluff in this one. Darvey deserves some fluff after what they went through. Who's with me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I never thought that  
> You would be the one to hold my heart  
> But you came around  
> And you knocked me off the ground from the start
> 
> You put your arms around me  
> And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go  
> You put your arms around me and I'm home." CP- Arms.

Chapter 6. Finale

 

Donna walks to the kitchen where dinner is cooking, she has made his favorite. They have been having dinner like this since the day she moved in after the accident. Till recently, he's been the one cooking for her or they order in from the shitty Thai place she loves. Her cast has been removed and she can wobble around a bit better now. She is almost fully recovered and that means her time here with Harvey is coming to an end. They haven't talked about any of the important stuff, neither one of them wanted to rock the steady boat yet. The time has come though, for them to broach the subject of where they stand exactly. She is more than confused now. He used to sleep in the bed with her during the first days from the hospital. He would help her into her clothes and sometimes out of them when she has to take a shower and after a shower. It was that day, that day when she had fallen naked out of the tub after failing to jump out properly. She had screamed and he had rushed in for the rescue. He had positively blanched after seeing her like that, recovering quickly to wrap her in a towel and carry her to bed. He had dried her ad dressed her in an awards silence. That's the day he started sleeping on the couch. There seems to be a constant tension around them these days and she doesn't know what to make of it. With Harvey you learn not to assume stuff, especially when it comes to feelings but on her side though, she really is lost. She loves him, that's no mystery but she had learned to keep that under wraps. Now, she doesn't know for how long she can continue to put up a show. She's starting to miss him when he's sitting right next to her. She sighs and sits down on the kitchen stool. Hiding your heart is a lot harder than not knowing your heart. She just can't pretend anymore, but as long as he is not on board she will keep her distance. She'll have to move, now, or else she won't be able to if she prolongs too long. 'Please stay with me, at least while you're recuperating' She recalls what he said when he asked her to move in. She has fully recovered, time to pack and leave. The nicer he is to me and the harder he works for me, the more I worry that I'll expect too much from him. That I might start to think that he actually loves me that way. And that I might not be able to let him go...On the day we promised.'

...

Harvey walks into the holding room where Gallo is waiting for his verdict. He really doesn't know how he is going to keep himself from killing the bastard after what he did to Donna. Donna, the thought of her making him sober. She will not want him to go to jail for killing the scum bag and leave their promising future to waste. He wants her so badly that he hasn't slept adequately for the past week. After that scene, he sees it in his mind as clearly as if it happened yesterday. He shakes the image out his head. Sleeping on the couch has not been helping much. And after each dream he has of her, which gets smokier each time, cold showers have become useless too. He won't act on it though, not until he puts these bastards under. He looks at Gallo who sneers at him.

"How is your sweet heart Harvey?" Gallo says, goading him.

Harvey controls himself; he slaps a folder on the small table and glares at Gallo. "These are your transfer papers to maximum Prison Gallo, I hear you have a lot of friends there." Gallo remains quite.

"What? No come back from that filthy mouth if yours?"Harvey says.

"You know, I can still get you from there too." Says Gallo with a sneer.

"That is if you live long enough in there. Boys in that place don't play buddy. And don't bother to introduce yourself when you get there, you already have a nickname. Snitch." Harvey says shaking his head in feigned sympathy. "Oh, but your cell mate though," Harvey whistles, "I've seen him man. He's the kind who would protect his midnight playmate. You better play ball when you get there. He doesn't like snitches but he'll make an exception for a fresh nice looking fish like you." Harvey says, leaving the room. He halts when he hears Gallo say his name pleadingly.

"Harvey." Gallo says, desperate now. "Please don't."

"Don't die too soon in there you hear?" Harvey says, more than satisfied to see the desperation in Gallo's eyes. "And ahh... if you look closely in that file you'll find some pretty incriminating dirt on your wife. I am not a dirt bag like you but don't force my hand. You saw what I did to Forssmann. Go to maximum prison and enjoy whatever life is waiting for you there. Forget about me and everyone who concerns me, do you understand?"

Gallo nods his head, defeated, and drops his head in his hands as Harvey walks out of the room.

...

Harvey walks into his apartment to find Donna busy cooking dinner, pauses a bit to just take in the scene. He smiles to himself, she can be so domesticated. He can really get used to this. And after the day he's had today, this is exactly the scene he wants to walk into. He walks on to stand besides her. "Hey." He says.

"Hey." She says right back. "How was your day?" she asks

"Great. Gallo is going to maximum prison and Forssman is already there. We have officially closed that case."

"Take a sit Sir, I'll serve you dinner. You've earned it." Donna says looking up at him with an appreciative smile.

"Yes maam." Says Harvey takes a sit on the stool.

They eat their dinner in a comfortable silence.

"Harvey, I need to talk to you." she says hesitantly.

He tenses at her suddenly serious tone of voice. "What about?"

"I think it's time for me to get out of your way. Thank you so much for taking care of me, but now I think it's time for me to go."She says with her eyes down cast.

"No." He says without thinking.

"Harvey, I can't continue living here with you like this. At some point I have to move out." She points out.

He swallows, the words he wants to say get stuck in his throat. He just stares at her, not knowing what to say.

She gets up and puts their plates into the dish washer. "I am off to bed Harvey. Good night." He doesn't answer her and she walks off.

Ubruptly, he gets up and blocks her way to the bedroom. He holds her arm, his eyes looking intently into hers. Desperation written all over his face. "Don't go." He whispers and they just stare at each other, hearts beating fast, breaths catching. He crashes his lips to hers, drinking her in, everything. He feels like he will just die if he doesn't have her. They pull off for a bit to catch a breath, panting. He crashes his lips on hers again in a smoky kiss. They drag each other to bed, hands fumbling all over each other, just desperate to get as close as possible to the other. They fall on the bed. "...Harvey..." She gasps as he turned his attention to her ear. He nuzzles into her neck, breathing in the scent of her perfume. They make a quick work of their clothes, then hands, everywhere. Wherever they can reach. She dug her fingers his hair and arched her back, pushing her pelvis against him and feeling his hardness pressing against her in return. His body presses against hers, he questions her with a look and she nods. His heart beat pulsing against her chest as she wraps her hands in his hair, moaning.

"Ah, you're driving me crazy." He had to catch his breath and get some control. He's spiralling down and he always has to maintain some control with any other woman. But he's losing the battle. She inhaled sharply and he entered her completely, thrusting deeply inside her as she hung onto him for dear life. Her body erupting quickly and sharply she screams his name, mouth agape. The pulsing of her body sends him wild as he picks up the pace, slamming into her as she hangs tightly around his neck. Suddenly he can't hold on any longer and he empties himself into her groaning. That control that has always been a constant with him has vanished into thin air. For minutes they stay entwined in each other, panting. He brushes back her hair, wet with sweat. He feels like he's been hit by a ton of bricks which knocked the air out of him. With his mouth on her ear he whispers. "With you it's different." He is bewildered, in shock. There's no way he could ever go back. Not after this.

...

He feels helpless and embarrassed sitting on Dr Agart's couch again when he had sworn he will never come back here again. And he had rather rudely done it too.

"How are you Harvey?" it's been a long time. I thought you were no longer a patient of mine." Dr Argard says.

"I am not." He says, "A patient anymore that is."

"Then why are you here." She asks

"I need some advice." He states.

"Let me guess, Donna?" she says

He just looks at her and looks away.

"Ok, what do you need?"She asks

"Donna and I..." he starts, "... we've been sleeping together for some weeks now." He says

"Well congratulations or is that a problem?" Dr Agard is not at all surprised; it's about time, she muses.

"Well, I don't want her to go but I don't know what to do, what to tell her to stay. "He says, frustrated.

"I take it you have talked about your feelings, how you feel about her." She questions.

He fidgets on the couch. "That's the thing, we haven't yet. Not really."

Dr Argard sighs, shaking her head at him. "Ok Harvey, since you're not my patient any more I am going to be very straight with you. I am not going to sugar coat this as it seems you clearly can't take a hint."

"Hit me." He says leaning forward to give her his full attention.

"The feeling of truly loving someone, how many times do you think it comes in a lifetime? You don't know how precious and rare it is, do you?" She asks him crossly. He just looks at her feeling little cornered

She continues. "Tell me, what exactly do you think you're going to lose by giving yourself to Donna completely?" she asks

He looks at her, "My pride, ...myself." he says, looking away.

He feels stupid for saying that, because he knows there is nothing else he could possibly hold back from Donna now. He zooms out to the time he broke up with Scotty after the accident.

"So tell me, where do I stand now Harvey?"She had asked.

He had looked her in the eye, not wanting to hurt her but wanting to be honest with her at the same time.

I am sorry Scotty...but..." He tries to explain the best way he could. "...My eyes...they don't see you anymore."

Dr Argard's words interrupt his thoughts, "Harvey, you gave all of yourself to her a long time ago. No one has that kind of emotional breakdown if they are not completely lost in someone." She sighs and tries again to explain. "Love does not mean giving something up for the other person. But it means to achieve something. The easiest thing we can do for the person we love is to throw ourselves away. The strength to do things that aren't in our nature. Love is when you give half of yourself. And in that space, fill it with half of the other person."

Harvey sighs resignedly, "You make sense Doc, but how do I tell her. I don't know how." he says in despair.

"When you have to tell someone you love them there's only one thing you need to focus on. More than any long explanations, more than any beautiful words. The look of love in your eyes...that alone will suffice." She says.

He looks at her with vulnerability in his eyes. "What if it ends? What if it fades away? What if I screw up again and she leaves me?"

Dr Agard doesn't back down. "People know they are going to die but live anyways." She says

"Wow Doc, you're not pulling any punches today. Why didn't we do this in the beginning of the sessions? I wouldn't have had to waste all of my money paying for so many sessions." He says jokingly. "Or was that your angle?" he cracks with a smirk.

"You were not ready Harvey, believe me you were a lot of work." She smiles back.

...

Donna walks aimlessly in the street, trying to shake herself into reality, except this is reality. Shit, how did she manage this fiasco? Of all the stupid things. She had had a hunch but she had to go and get confirmation. And it has been confirmed beyond any reasonable doubt. She finally gets up the courage to walk home and wait for Harvey. To Harvey's apartment, she corrects herself. She has been thinking of it as home now. She mentally kicks herself for that. She gets the courage to wait for him to come back, however telling him is a whole different story.

...

He walks into their apartment with a purpose. He thinks of it as theirs now, he scoffs at the thought, talk about being whooped' he chides himself. He finds Donna waiting for him and their eyes lock. She looks serious and he gets scared. He decides that whatever it is, he won't chicken out this time.

"Harvey, I need to tell you something." She says purposefully.

He swallows, "Ok, but I need to tell you something too. Can I go first?" he asks, afraid that he might just chicken out.

She nods, and he takes a sit next to her on the couch. He takes her hand in his, she looks into his eyes and he takes a deep breath.

" Donna ... I love you!" he sees the look of surprise in her eyes but continues anyway. "That time, when I said it... I couldn't explain. I was scared shitless by the way you made me feel, at the thought of you going to jail. I couldn't lose you, but I did anyway because I don't know how to give of myself. But I will learn. It's not that I love you, it's because I love only you. If it's not you, then I won't have anyone else. You're the most amazing woman I've ever known. You became my drink. My world and I just wanted to keep a part of myself to myself. So I ran." He sighs and looks at her for a sign but she remains quiet, trance like. He continues, he doesn't want to leave anything to chance. He has decided on this and it's all or nothing.

"You are someone more precious than my own life. Someone I can't lose even in the next life. And the person I will love for the first time and the last time. Every moment we are together could be our last, that makes every moment precious." He gets down on one knee, still holding her hand while the other reaches into his coat to produce a little black box. Donna is shell shocked at what's happening, she forgets to breath.

"Donna, will you do me the honor of being my wife?" He asks, feeling so vulnerable, holding his breath.

Donna gasps, tears filling her eyes as she clutches her chest. "Harvey...Why?"

"I want to live with you. For the rest of my life, I want to eat together, talk together, sleep together, and be together. Do I need any other reason than that?" He says.

She wraps her arms around him, breaking down in tears and laughter. She looks at him then, holding his face in her hands, tears streaming down her face. "Yessss...I love you Harvey. With all my heart I love you." She says and he gets up to sit back on the couch as he holds her tightly in his arms.

"I am going to become someone you can lean on. I am going to become stronger so I can protect you." He says, holding her.

She leans back and looks at him, "How do you feel about kids?" she asks.

He looks at her questioningly "I do. Why?"He asks

"Because you're going to be a daddy. I am three weeks pregnant." She says and waits anxiously for his responds.

He looks at her, shocked. What! He cannot believe his good fortune. He smiles and leans in to kiss her. "I am gonna be a daddy." he says, kissing her again.

...

He is looking for the Crinnington file which was supposed to be on his desk by now. He looks through the glass at Donna, who seems to be busy typing something on her computer. He wants to call her into his office but sports the file sticking out from under another file on his desk. There's no reason to call her into his office anymore since he found the file but now that the thought has already stuck in his mind, he decides to go with it anyway. He thinks better of it and instead of calling her in he goes to her. She looks up and sees him leaning on her cubicle. She raises an eyebrow at him and he gives her his signature Specter smile.

"Donna?" He says, not knowing what more to say. He just wanted to see her, be close to her or even steal a kiss even if it's with the barrier of her cubicle between them. He can hardly contain himself since he woke up this morning. He feels like a monkey who just won the lottery.

"Harvey." she can't hold back a smile just looking at his face, "What do you want?"

"This," he says leaning in to give a simple kiss on the mouth, their lips catch and it turns into one smoking hot lengthy kiss. He can't get enough of her. He wants her again, right now, despite this morning. They look into each other's eyes and smile.

"Kids, behave, this is a place of work."Jessica strides in raising an eyebrow at both Harvey and Donna as they look up at her startled.

"Jessica." Harvey says with a smirk, "Nice of you to stop by."

"I see you kids are playing nice again, very good progress." Jessica says smiling secretively at Donna.

"It's good to see you Jessica." Donna says.

"We have been playing nice for quite some time now Jessica thanks for noticing." Harvey says.

Louise walks to Donna's desk at that moment and stops in his tracks as he sports Jessica. He smiles, "Jessica! It's so good to see you." he makes as if to give her a hug.

"Louise, I don't hug." Jessica says raising a hand to ward him off.

"Oh, come on Jessica, of course you hug. We all know that contrary to before Harvey breakdown era, you're not made of steel as you pretend to be."Louise says proceeding to give her a hug. Jessica just rolls her eyes and lets her arms hang on her sides as Louise hugs her.

"Really Louise?" Harvey says annoyed that Louise had the balls to mention that horrible time.

"I'll go get Mike, I am sure he would love to see this." Donna says walking off to Rachel's Office.

"I have something to tell you." Harvey says to Jessica.

"I have something to tell you too." She says, "Let's step into your office.

They all walk into his office and Louise takes the couch while Jessica and Harvey remain standing.

"You go first." Jessica says to Harvey.

"I don't mind if I do." He says. "Donna and I are getting married." He can't help the smile that spreads on his face as he says that and looks at the shocked faces in the room.

"What!"Mike says as he walks into the office, he forgets to great Jessica as he gaps at Harvey. Then he breaks into a smile and taps Harvey on the shoulder. "Well well seems like just yesterday when you were stomping your foot like a four year old refusing the plunge," Mike mimics the act stomping his foot on the carpet yelling, "I won't I won't I won't", with a childish pout on his face and the room breaks down with mirth.

"Wow congratulations on growing up Harvey," Jessica says as she sighs a "finally".

"Congratulations Harvey." Louise says as he makes to give Harvey a hug.

"Louise no!" Harvey says, eyeing Louise with a warning. "I mean it." He says and Louise backs down

"What is it with people and this hugging thing?" Louise pouts as he sits back on the couch.

"Hug Mike here," Harvey says. "He's a huger."

Mike glares at Harvey at that. "So how are we going to do this? After my wedding then Louise's and then yours Harvey?" Mike questions the group.

"Louise is getting married." Harvey says, shocked.

"Seriously Harvey." Louise says exasperated that Harvey doesn't remember. "I even asked you to be my best man." He complains.

"Forgive him Louise, that heart attack, must have caused some amnesia." Mike cracks.

"Again with the heart attack jokes?'' Harvey says shaking his head, "Seriously, there's no sympathy in this room." He says.

"First of all, it's a lot of fun," says Louise getting up, "and second you are no longer my best man Harvey. I can't have an amnesian person as my best man. What if you forget my rings? Mike, how about I be your best man and you be mine?" Louise says, turning to Mike.

"First of all, Harvey interrupts, "I am pretty sure there is no dictionary with the word amnesian , second, we need to reshuffle this whole 'who goes first list. I say me and Donna go first." Harvey says. Mike and Louise break out in outrage.

"I am getting married!" Jessica blurts out in the midst of the outrage and chaos.

The room goes quite all at once as they all turn to gap at her.

"Jeff Malone?" Harvey questions after he's gotten over his shock and Jessica just nods.

"Wow, congratulations Jessica, but isn't that a little shotgun?" Harvey cracks with a smile spreading on his face. He's genuinely pleased.

Jessica smirks at him, "You're one to talk Harvey."

"Congratulations Jessica," says Mike looking dumbstruck. "Wow, my parents are getting married." He says looking at Harvey, "and my uncle Louise is getting married. And my..." he pauses and looks at Jessica questioningly "...grandmother?" He says looking at Jessica. Everyone laughs and Jessica playfully smacks Mike on the back of his head.

"Because of that right there you've now earned your place at the bottom of the list." Jessica says to Mike who grunts and looks sheepishly at his feet.

"Jessica is getting married?" Louise says feigning despair, "I need a day." He says waking out of the office.

"Louise, get your ass back here." Jessica reprimands and Louise makes a u turn going back into the office. "Congratulations Jessica." Louise says, smiling at her.

"Ok, joke's over, back to business." Says Harvey addressing the group.

"Ok kids," Jessica say, "Let's do this, how about we reshuffle fine, but we go by maturity." She suggests

"Oh, come on that's not fair. That means I have to go third." Says Harvey pouting.

"Oh no Harvey, you're not going third." Says Jessica as everyone looks confused at her. She continues, "I said maturity Harvey, you obviously go last."

"I like that." Says Mike looking at Harvey who is looking scandalized at being called immature, less mature than Louise and Mike?

"So that means I go first, because let's face it, I am the most mature of this bunch here and I proposed first." Mike says with a triumphant smile.

"Not so fast puppy, you earned your place in the bottom remember?" Jessica reminds him and Mike grunts. "However, you're still more mature than Harvey so you get third place." Jessica says and Mike looks placated since at least he's still better than Harvey at this.

"Wait a minute," Harvey says confused, "Just how you justify me being less mature than you 'all, especially Mike?"

"Well let me give it to you Harvey it's simple," Louise steps in to explain. "It may be because it took you thirteen years to realize you were in love with Donna when everyone in this building caught on the first moment they saw you two together. Or it could be that it took her being hit by a car for you to finally wake up. See, even Forssmann and Gallo caught on quicker than you. Or was it the panic attacks? I mean Harvey come on, the woman you are not in love with leaves you to go and work across the hall and you have freaking panic attacks? You even went to see a therapist to figure out what was staring you right in the face. You, Harvey Specter, talked about feeling to a goddamn therapist. I mean, Harvey, you might as well be two years old in terms of maturity."Louise delivers, looking at the group with a 'do you need me to go on' look. Mike and Jessica nod in agreement and Harvey groans. "Fine Louise you made your point," Harvey accepts, "But I still need to go first." He says a little desperately.

"No deal, you snooze you lose buddy." Mike says.

"Why the hell are you so desperate to go first anyway?" Jessica asks suspicious.

"Because I am pregnant!" Donna blurts out walking into the office with Rachel in tow. Everyone looks shocked at her. "And I won't be able to fit into my dress in a few weeks." She continues. "So please please," she pleads looking at the group, "for me?"

"Oh my God", they all say almost in unison except for Rachel who she had already told and Harvey of course.

"Wow congratulations Donna." Jessica says smiling from ear to ear.

Congratulatory hugs go around at the news.

"Well," says Harvey with a smug, "I guess that makes me more mature than all of you."

"That makes you even less mature than we pegged you to be," Jessica says to Harvey who is looking more confused. "Why, you knocked her up Harvey, how many teenagers do that anymore?"

The group laughs at the look on his face.

"They go first," Jessica says looking at the group. "Are we all in agreement?" She addresses the group and everyone agrees.

"You won by default Harvey." Mike says grudgingly to Harvey.

"I won." Harvey smirks, "That's all I care about."

"Well as long as you know that you're less mature than everyone in this room, including me." Mike cracks, "Congratulations puppy." Mike says as he slaps Harvey on the back. "You're going to be a dad."

The End.

Thanks to all of you who reviewed and supported this work. So grateful.


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